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Category — WTF Products

Kitten Mittons & Dick Towels: The Reason Why ‘Always Sunny’ is the Best Show on TV Right Now

In the Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode “Paddy’s Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens”, the gang tries to come up with various marketable products in an attempt to build the Paddy’s Pub brand.

Frank comes up with a gun that shoots alcohol directly into your mouth, Mac comes up with the dick-towel (, and Charlie comes up with the now world-famous ‘Kitten Mittons’. An excellent episode about advertising and marketing. Best episode yet. Check out the complete, uncensored Dick Towel video after the jump:
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October 14, 2010   Comments Off

My Sneezee: Teach Your Children to Wipe Their Nose on Thier Sleeve

When I was a kid, there was this freaky weirdo in my class who used to wipe his nose on his sleeve. We used to call him names like “greensleeves” and “slimer” and “asshole”. Little did we know that he was using the “proper” method of sneezing and coughing. Boy, do I feel stupid now. I bet he invented this thing.
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October 14, 2010   3 Comments

The Snazzy Napper: A Creepy Eyeless Burqa to Wear on a Plane

I would imagine that after attaching such a strange contraption to your face while on a plane, one would actually find it more difficult to nap, mostly because of the uncomfortable mumblings from your fellow passengers and all the painful taserings from federal air marshals.
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October 14, 2010   Comments Off

WTF: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus Trailer

Ahhh… Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas, together at last. Plus this movie has a mega shark and a giant octopus, apparently. How can it go wrong? My answer: In every possible way.

I don’t know what the makers of this movie were thinking. Maybe they wanted this movie to be the next Snakes on a Plane; maybe they had a lifelong vision of a mega shark and a giant octopus doing battle, and finally had the chance to make that vision a reality on the big screen. Maybe this is some sort of tax scheme or ploy a la “The Producers”. Who knows. Who cares. Whatever.

May 13, 2009   Comments Off

WTF Product: I Really Hope LoveLice Are Real


Everyday the internet exists, it seems another sexual fetish springs into existence. According to “Rule #34″, “if it exists, there is porn of it“; and this definitely appears to be the case. is a website that supposedly supports the practice of keeping a specially bred strain of Japanese “pet” pubic lice in your pubic hair and sharing them with your sex partner. There are a million reasons to believe this is a hoax, but only one reason to believe it’s real; and that one reason is that it’s amazingly hilarious.

According to the website:
“…they just live happily in your underwear. It’s so COOL! They grow, and have families. You can feel em living and crawling around. It’s like having personal Sea monkeys in your pants ;-) Seriously, though, they really are my personal pets that go everywhere with me. You get attached to them like any pet.”
Indeed, sounds lovely. Read on for the whole story:
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February 24, 2009   1 Comment

Chi-Chi-Chi-Bama: Special Edition Obama Chia Head


Joseph Enterprises started the Chia Pet in 1981 and it’s remained lodged in our collective unconscious every year since then because of massive advertising every holiday season and a weird kitsch appeal that never seems to get old. I honestly still think these things are cool; you do too, admit it.

Now they’re capitalizing on Obama-mania with an ultra-classy likeness of the 44th President. There are two versions of Chia Obama: Happy Chia Obama, and Determined Chia Obama. Joseph Enterprises accurately portrays the full range of our president’s emotional expressions.

Very nice. You can order your very own from the Chia Obama website

February 22, 2009   2 Comments

Save Our Cats And Kittens From Fishermen: Or How To Make Lots Of Money Online

Apparently, all you have to do to make money online is invent a fake, but morally reprehensible, tragedy, put together a video about said tragedy, then sell t-shirts.
Oh, I almost forgot… then PROFIT.

The Save Our Cats and Kittens From Fishermen (SOCKFF) video has been making the rounds of the blogosphere for a while now, and still, not many people have called shenanigans on it. That amazes me. This video is obviously fake. It has zero evidence of it’s claim, it doesn’t show any cats being eaten by sharks, it doesn’t show any cats being pierced with hooks (although a gloved man pretends to), it doesn’t show anything really. It only shows black cats supposedly dangling from a hook, and a gloved man pretending to hook a kitten but blocking the camera’s view at the last second. Take a look at the cat dangling frame:
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January 23, 2009   55 Comments

Newborn Babies Get Anti-Theft Anklets


There are over 4 million babies born in the United States every year. Out of those 4 million, it’s estimated that between 12 to 18 of them are stolen from the hospital they were born in. It’s an ultra-small percentage of the whole, but it’s a big deal when it happens, so many hospitals are now using a new product to make sure no babies get taken from their maternity ward.

It’s basically an anti-theft device the baby wears around it’s ankle. However, there isn’t just one standard type of device, different hospitals are using different forms of the same idea. For instance, in Norway, all newborn babies are outfitted with a type of anti-theft alarm that consists of a tiny chip embedded in the baby’s ankle bracelet and a matching chip embedded in it’s mothers hospital bracelet. If the two chips are separated by more than a certain distance, the alarm goes off. On top of that, if the baby’s bracelet is removed, the hospital goes into “lockdown” mode, where the elevators and doors all automatically lock – to prevent baby theft.
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January 22, 2009   1 Comment

The Star Wars Force Trainer May Be The Toy Of The Year


I am so looking forward to the Star Wars Force Trainer.

The Force Trainer is basically a simplified type of EEG machine. It comes with a headset that measures a players brain waves and allows them to manipulate a ball inside a clear 10-inch-tall tube. It translates your brain waves into action, just like a biofeedback machine. This is the first time EEG technology is being used in toy, and the potential uses are endless.

Not only can it work as a fairly inexpensive (it’ll be $90-$100) biofeedback machine to help children learn how to achieve a relaxed state of mind quickly… but imagine what can be done with this thing by some enterprising “home engineers”. This machine translates brain waves into electrical signals, that means with minimal effort, a person could perhaps rig a light switch to the headset, or the power on your TV.
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January 14, 2009   Comments Off

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia Pet: The Holiday Gift From Your Weird Uncle


San Francisco-based Joseph Enterprises, the company behind the Chia Pet, will be spending almost $9 million dollars on advertising this year alone. Yet from the months of January to September of this year, they’ve only spent $5,000 dollars. This is because almost all of the advertising happens during the holiday season, and likewise, 90% of Chia sales occur during the holidays. They’re like the Jesus of the kitschy seed planter pottery world – big in December, ignored the rest of the year.

They were first introduced in 1981 and have continued to cling to the public consciousness despite being branded as just a fad product. Joseph Enterprises does a good job of keeping the public interested with new forms each year. For example, this year they have characters from the films “Madagascar” and “Kung Fu Panda” on top of their regular line of kittens and hippos and elephants.

Check out the timeline of all the different types of Chia pet:
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December 23, 2008   1 Comment