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Good News: Kellogg Will Drop Michael Phelps From It’s Endorsement Deal


It looks like Kellogg will be ending its endorsement deal with giant torso and Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps after a picture of him smoking a bong have surfaced in the UK tabloid News of the World. Phelps admitted to smoking weed and apologized for his “regrettable” behavior and “bad judgment”, and blamed it on youthful indiscretion. This really won’t put a dent in his income though, since he still on board with a load of major sponsors like Visa and Speedo.

Still, Kellogg said Phelps’s actions are “not consistent with the image of Kellogg.” So they’re not renewing his contract when it expires at the end of February. The thing is, I’m happy about it. Now, don’t take that the wrong way, I’m 100% for the legalization of marijuana. The “war on drugs” is the reason the United States has the highest population of prison inmates in the entire world. The US has 5% of the world’s population, and nearly 25% of it’s prisoners. It’s not just per capita either; the US actually has 2.3 million criminals in it’s prisons, more than any other country; all because of the “war on drugs”. So I don’t care that Phelps smoked some weed, that means nothing to me. I’m happy he’s off Kellogg cereal boxes because he’s a freaking douche. Read on for my rationale:


Really, come on. He wears popped collars and crooked hats. He’s known for being the notoriously annoying douchebag at parties. I don’t care how fast he swims or how disproportionately long his freak-torso is compared to a non-aquatic human’s. He’s a DB, and I don’t want to look at his creepy, hairless dolphinbody in the morning when I’m eating my Corn Flakes. I mean, really, look at this:


Have you ever seen anything so annoying? I don’t care if the Sports Illustrated people made him pose like that, I don’t care about the Mark Spitz comparison. He looks like a retarded person with a bunch of foil-wrapped chocolates around his neck. Just say no to the silly picture, Mike. It’s the most ridiculous and garish display of douchebaggery I’ve seen in a long time.

Stay off my cereal, oddball.